Hot milk

Apr. 27th, 2010 05:56 pm
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[personal profile] gokulaav
Title: Hot Milk
Author: fyenale / [ profile] gokulaav
Ratings/Warnings : PG-13, AU, hints of shounen-ai, possible OOC-ness
Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine, better off that way
Summary: To ease your pain, all you need is a glass of hot milk.
Word Count: 6.451 words
A/N: This is my very first fic.....Okay, I really don’t know what to say in my author’s note xD
Any mistakes are entirely mine.
Reviews are greatly appreciated ^^

x posted @ my

Hot milk

Goku had never hated rain. In fact, he always liked it. The way many tiny drops of water fall from heaven, the beautiful sound it creates when splashing with the earth, and the smell of wet soil lingering. Everything made him at ease. Even though he didn’t really like the dark, the sun will come out after the rain, and it’ll be okay.

But that evening, the rain lasted from morning and hadn’t stopped yet. He had already done his paperwork, after cursing how many and difficult it was. His professor was sometimes a pain. Rather than mulling about his already done paperwork, he decided he should go to sleep or something, since the weather wasn’t so go-out-and-play friendly.

The constant sound of thunder made him wince. There’s no way he could sleep with that kind of sound. Goku glanced to his bedroom window, silently praying the thunder would go away. Another lightning appeared with a loud sound, as if mocking him. Goku gave a look of defeat and headed towards the kitchen to get something to eat.

The kitchen was in the first floor, while his room was in the 2nd floor. When he got out of the room, it was all dark. No lights were on. Figure that man isn’t home yet, he thought to himself. He could just turn on the lamp and walked safely to the first floor, but instead he walked carefully, letting his eyes adapt to the dark. It wasn’t so hard, since it wasn’t that dark due to the lightning that every now and then appeared on the dark sky could be seen through some windows. Goku walked slowly, using the wall as his guide. The stair wasn’t that high, so with just a few steps he made it to the first floor safely.

The sound of thunder vibrated through the air, sending chills down Goku’s spine. He started to walk hastily across the living room, stumbling a little when he bumped to the sofa. But a large bulk on the floor made him trip and fall ungraciously. A small curse escaped his lips as he tried to get back on his feet. He crawled towards the kitchen, but a powerful grip suddenly grabbing his feet made him turn his neck in a painful manner.

He tried to focus his eyes, while trying to withstand the pain in his neck. He nearly screamed when the thing moved, but as he saw a glint of light on the thing’s eyes, he knew it was at least not a ghost. Then after another lightning illuminated the dark house, he finally saw what—or rather who it was.

It was his father.

With a smell of alcohol, and that’s bad.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Goku went blank for a moment, still agonizing the pain in his neck. His mouth agape, and breathing was difficult at that time. After another lightning which startled him, he finally realized his situation. He squinted his eyes in an attempt to make out his father’s appearance better, adding pity and disgust in his look.


Goku watched in slight fear as his father look at him, scrutinizing every inch. He finally let go of Goku’s leg and stood up shakily.

“If you’re searching for food, there’s nothing.”

Goku also stood up, rubbing his neck in a fail attempt to ease the pain. He merely shrugged.

“Well, there’s nothing in this house. Figures.”

He flinched when his father looked at him again, this time colder. Slight fear crawled into his mind, but he then shook it off mentally. He challenged his father’s eyes with his own.

“Shut your mouth.”

His father’s words made him slightly taken aback. It was harsh, cold, just like the rain that was pouring down that night. Another lightning appeared, followed by the sound of thunder. Goku braced himself for whatever was going to happen next. He took a deep breath.

“Don’t deny it. Ever since mother died, you’ve lost on alcohol, gambling, and eventually we almost lost everything. All we that was left was everything in your room, half on mine, the refrigerator, and this damned sofa!”

Goku was just about to say more things to his father, but a blow on his right face successfully shut him as he fell once again to the floor.

“You know nothing. You don’t know what I’ve been through. So shut the hell up!”

Goku wiped the blood from his mouth, looking sharply towards his father.
“Yeah, right. I know nothing. And I don’t want to know! I’m sick of you and this place!”

“Fine! If you hate it so much why don’t you just leave?! It’s easier on me anyway!”

Goku couldn’t take it anymore. His head spin with anger and frustration, almost making him stumbling back. He dashed past his father towards the exit door, running to the pouring rain.

The moment he got out from house, the rain was easing just a bit. He kept on running as fast as he could, not thinking where he was going. All he wanted to do was to get away from that cursed house. Even though the rain had eased up, it still stung painfully on Goku’s skin. The wind that howled didn’t bring any good either. He finally stopped running after what felt like hours, holding his knee while trying to catch his breath.

The rain kept pouring down from the sky, and Goku knew he couldn’t stay like that forever. He regretted the fact the he hadn’t bring his coat. At least it wouldn’t make him all wet. He also realized he didn’t wear any shoes. Great, what a perfect escape.

Rather than driving himself crazy, he decided that he should go to someone’s house. The first person that came to his mind was Nataku, but he also had a similar problem with Goku. He didn’t want to drag his friend with more problems, so Goku scratched Nataku’s house from his list.

After scratching more places from his imaginary list, he found himself thinking about Gojyo. That guy might be a pervert, no-good jerk, but he had been Goku’s friend since he went to college. And he was actually a nice guy. Gojyo might cheer him up, and that’s what he need. After deciding the destination, he walked to where Gojyo’s flat was.

It wasn’t that far, actually. He only needed to take the train to the next station – thank God there was some money in his pocket – and walked about 5 minutes. The building itself was about 4 stories high, with Gojyo’s flat on the third floor. Goku slowly climbed up the metal stairs, which elicit a squeak every time he took a step. As he walked, he hoped that Gojyo would be home on a rainy night like this. Carefully, he knocked the door. He usually bang on it, but it was inappropriate judging the time. Besides, he was in a sour mood.

After waiting for almost a whole minute, he heard footsteps from inside, and was about to retort Gojyo for taking his time. But when the door opened, it was someone else.

“May I help you?”

Goku’s mouth, for the second time that day, was agape. His eyes wide and a surprise look was clearly shown on his face. He realized the man was staring, so he tried to compose himself.

“Uh, sorry. But, isn’t this Gojyo’s flat?

The man, who was still holding the door knob, looked mildly surprised. He looked at Goku from head to toe before finally answering.
“Well, no. Maybe you got the wrong room.”

Goku was so sure Gojyo lived there. Heck, he always came to Gojyo’s flat after part-time! A sudden realization struck him as he remembered what Gojyo said last month when walking home from part-time job. Something about moving to a new flat near campus. Goku almost slapped his head if the man wasn’t watching him.

“Uh, sorry, for disturbing you.”

The man just nodded lightly and closed the door.

Goku leaned helplessly on the wall. He didn’t know where Gojyo’s new flat was. He rubbed his head, he was getting dizzy because of the rain. Where should he go then? Hakkai’s place crossed his mind, but he erased it quickly. Hakkai would only worry over him and offered to talk with his father. No way that’s going to happen. He understand Hakkai’s goodwill, but that would only make things worse. There was another option of staying there in front of Gojyo’s old flat. Very alluring, but he got rid of the thought. He had cause enough trouble to the man inside. Getting up wobbly, he walked towards the stairs.

He tried to think for other places to go, but nothing crossed his mind. His head started to throb with pain, and thinking just made it worse. After walking with no real destination, he arrived on a small park and stumbled to the nearest bench under the tree.

Even though he was under a tree, the fact that he was still wet didn’t change. Droplets of water kept on dripping from his hair, and it did nothing to ease the cold. He bent his leg so he could hug his knees. He could tell that he was feverish, but there was nothing he could do. He might as well just die and join his mother in heaven. That is, if he’s qualified to go there.

The thought of dying made him remember his mother. She died in a car accident when he was still in 8th grade. Since then, his father lost it and went gambling. He also got on alcohol, and Goku was so sick of it that he always tried to avoid his father. It was a good thing he got a part-time job, so he had an excuse to stay away from home. He also felt relieved when he got a scholarship because of his achievement in basketball. Therefore, he didn’t have to rely on his father.

He had lost track of time since he left Gojyo’s old flat. The rain was pouring harder that it felt like stone rain. Goku closed his eyes, silently hoping the rain would ease him like it always did when he looked at it. But he didn’t feel any better. His head was still spinning, the rain still stung, and his heart still ache. He buried his head on his knees, accepting whatever fate had plan for him.

“What the heck are you doing here?”

Goku glanced up and saw a blur of gold in front of him. He tried to focus his eyes and looked harder. Angel? Did the angel of death came to pick him up?

“Oi, did you hear what I’m saying?”

Goku recognized the face and voice. He felt like he know the man, but couldn’t bring his brain to process his thought. He stared for almost a minute before finally answering.


The said man looked at him with a cold gaze. Sanzo was wearing blue jeans with long, black sleeves. His right hand was holding an
umbrella while his other hand was stuffed inside his jeans’ pocket.

“Stop staring at me, idiot.”

Goku, despite being told by Sanzo, kept staring at Sanzo like he was the angel of the death. Come to think of it, Sanzo maybe was an angel of death, judging by how he act and scare people with just a glare, but looked beautiful. Especially now in front of him, illuminated by the street lights. He recalled the moment he first met Sanzo. It was in the early morning, just before the sun woke up. Goku saw just in time when the sun shone behind Sanzo, lighting his golden hair. The scene was breathtaking that he didn’t realize Sanzo was already in front of him and whacked him for staring at him. Turned out he was Hakkai’s – and Gojyo’s, if you count cursing at each other as the sign of closeness – friend.

“You’re spacing out.”

His train of thoughts stopped after hearing Sanzo’s voice.


Sanzo went silent for a moment, before finally spoke again.
“Can you stand?”

Goku didn’t understand what Sanzo actually meant, but he decided to answer anyway. He looked up and was surprised to see a hint of
worry on the man’s eyes, though it quickly disappeared to indifference. The fever must be playing tricks on him.

“Uh, I guess.”

As if on reflex, Goku immediately stood up, resulting painful spinning in his head. He eventually lost his balance, stumbling towards Sanzo’s direction expecting hard and wet hit.

The hit didn’t came. Instead, he felt like floating. He was surprised to see Sanzo holding him with one hand.


Goku could feel his face heat up. He quickly stood again, this time successfully, even though his head still spun wildly. Sanzo eyed him, as if convincing himself that Goku was quite okay. Goku, on the other hand, was still flushing, though he didn’t know whether it was because of his fever or because of the small incident. Goku chose that moment to stare at his bare feet, which also gained attention from Sanzo. Goku thought he could just shrink and disappear because of embarrassment.

Sanzo’s sudden movement made him flinch. After realizing that he was leaving him, he couldn’t help but to feel hopeless.
“Are you coming or not?”

Goku blinked several times, trying to register the information.

Sanzo sighed.
“Hurry up or I’ll leave you behind.”, and Sanzo started to walk away.

The blonde’s words made him froze for a moment, before realizing the implication and finally dashed following his savior. He managed to walk beside Sanzo, trying to cover from rain under Sanzo’s umbrella. Sanzo glanced and muttered a soft ‘idiot’ as he slightly placed the umbrella so it covers them both. Goku looked up to Sanzo, smiling brightly yet tiredly.

“Thank you.”

Goku thought he was imagining things, because he saw tint of pink on Sanzo’s face.


“Stay here. Don’t move.”

Goku stood still in front of Sanzo’s flat, obeying his words. Water was still dripping from his all wet clothes. His hair were plastered to his face like glued. He felt cold, dizzy, and annoyed. Extremely annoyed. Even though he managed to stay under the umbrella on their way to Sanzo’s flat, the cold wind almost freeze him to death, and now he wanted to sleep in a comfy bed, or at least something warm. Heck, he would welcome San-

Wait, what? Gotta be the fever.

Goku chose to gaze sleepily to the sky. The rain was still falling hard. Every now and then a lightning appear from afar. He idly wondered if he could be a highlander and got energy from lightning. His out-of-mind train of thoughts stopped abruptly when he felt something hit his head.

“Use that to dry yourself.”

Goku grabbed the towel, glaring at Sanzo for making him startled. Sanzo merely shrugged and walked back inside. He stopped halfway and looked back at Goku.
“Once you’re quite dry, go straight to the bathroom. It’s on your left.”

Goku watched with blank expression as Sanzo pointed out to his left. A door was open, and Goku could guess that that was the bathroom. Sanzo then continued walking inside and disappear to the right hall. Goku stared at nothing in particular for a few more seconds before grabbing the towel on his head and started drying himself.

Much to his dismay, his clothes were still wet and didn’t help his effort on drying at all. Sighing in defeat, he walked hastily to the bathroom, nearly slipping in front of the door. He stopped momentarily once inside, taking time in observing Sanzo’s bathroom. There was nothing special, just the usual flat bathroom. But there was something different, it smelled like Sanzo.

He snorted. Well, it’s obvious. It’s his flat anyway, Goku mused to himself. But his recognition for Sanzo’s smell made him a bit taken aback. Since when did he smell people? Though he had to admit Sanzo had a unique smell. The first time he met Sanzo, he was hit with a wave of musk, nicotine, and tidbits of alcohol. It blended so naturally, creating who is Sanzo. That plus Sanzo’s aura and charisma that got people attracted. No wonder many people tried to befriend him, even though most of them failed miserably – or changed their minds because of
Sanzo’s glare.

Hearing sound of footsteps, Goku spun slowly to see Sanzo approaching. He had already changed his clothes, Goku noted, and brought with him what looked like a shirt and a trouser.

“This is the smallest clothes that I can find. “, Sanzo said as he entered the bathroom and placed the clothes on top of a counter. He turned his head to look at Goku, unintentionally making it longer than it should be. Goku on the other hand didn’t notice this, concentrating on pulling his wet shirt. He noticed something was off and looked back at Sanzo who was staring at him, reflexively hiding his body with the wet clothes.

“What are you looking at?”

Goku could see Sanzo flinched, though you have to be very observant to notice it. Still, Sanzo didn’t avert his gaze at all. Goku’s face was red once again, this time because of the combination of fever and embarrassment. After a few more seconds which felt like eternity for Goku, Sanzo turned and walked out of the room.

“Don’t be such a pervert. Go to bath.”

“Who’s the pervert here, dammit!”


After 15 minutes, Goku emerged from the bathroom, wearing Sanzo’s smallest clothes though it’s still too big for him. The shower did help him relax a bit, but his head was still spinning wildly. He walked carefully to the main room, plopped on a nearby sofa, and sighed. He observes the room idly. Almost all of the lights were turned off except for the main room and another room on his right. Goku guessed it must be where Sanzo was.

Goku closed his eyes, hearing the sound of the still-pouring rain. He hadn’t hear the thunder for awhile, and the absence of that loud sound had made him a bit relax. He remembered the incident with his father just a few hours ago, how he shouted at him, how he looked so angry, how he looked so…desperate.

A lightning appeared, followed by its best friend, thunder.

“Oh, shit.”

Goku opened his eyes as he heard Sanzo’s voice and glanced towards where he predict Sanzo was.

Goku waited silently for almost a whole minute before spotting some movement from the other room. Sanzo finally appeared from there while holding a blue mug. His faced laced with annoyance. His eyes were so deadly that someone who doesn’t know him very well would inch away as fast as possible. Goku was an exception, since he could barely move with the pain in his head. Goku looked harder and found what was so wrong that Sanzo emitted a terrible aura.

His clothes were wet. Well, not all, but that seemed enough to piss Sanzo.

“That fucking thunder startled me.” Sanzo muttered as he walked towards Goku. “Here.”

Goku was about to say something like ‘You should change your clothes’, but he was dumbfounded to see Sanzo offering him the blue mug.
“Hot milk. It’ll make you feel better.”

Goku glanced up to see Sanzo’s face, still uncertain of what Sanzo just said. His face remain indifferent, but Goku could see flicker of emotion in Sanzo’s eyes. He silently took the mug from Sanzo’s hand. Hot milk, off all drink…

Sanzo walked to the opposite direction, muttering some curses and disappeared on a black corner. Goku stared at that particular spot for a few seconds before looking back to the blue mug he was holding. The mug was warm against his hands. Hot steam drifted, swirling with Goku’s hot breath. He inhaled the comforting smell deeply, admiring the pure sweetness it radiated just by steam alone. Maybe it’s just like people said, food and drinks tasted the best in the right moments. And to think Sanzo was the one who gave him…

He stared at the milk for a few more seconds before hearing footsteps. Sanzo emerged from the black corner, taking the newspaper on top of the table and plopped down beside him. Goku, on the other hand, chose that moment to stare at the now fascinating floor, suddenly feeling nervous. Sure, he sometimes hang around Sanzo, but only when Hakkai or Gojyo were around. There was one time when he forgot to bring his umbrella and had to wait in a bus stop for the rain to stop. Sanzo was there, also waiting for the rain. He was so tempted to say hi, but decided not to after seeing his face. He remembered how Sanzo looked so pissed off at that time, radiating an immense load of terrifying aura.

And also sadness.

“Do you need an aspirin?”

Goku effectively flinched when Sanzo suddenly spoke. He glanced up, not too surprised when he saw Sanzo still fixated his eyes on the newspaper. His expression was unreadable, eyes scanning through the newspaper. Goku stared at the headline of the newspaper, something about a famous politician scandal. Goku averted his gaze back to the blue mug.

“No, I’m fine.”

There was a stretch of silence, but this time it was not so unnerving anymore. Sanzo presence had become more bearable, almost comforting. He relaxed to the sofa, closing his eyes as he finally brought up the mug to his lips. He drank the warm liquid slowly, feeling the sweetness stained his throat in a wonderful way.

“It’s sweet.”

There was a comforting silence before Sanzo spoke.

“It’s milk. What do you expect?”

Goku smiled. It’s milk alright, but it tasted different from all kind of milk he had tried before. He wondered if this was because Sanzo was the one who made it. He blushed slightly at the idea, unintentionally smiling wider. Sanzo snorted.

“What’s so funny?”

Goku turned to see Sanzo while trying to suppress his blush.

“I’m just thinking that a guy like you actually drink hot milk.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Why did you make it then?”

“It’s for you, idiot.”, Sanzo muttered as he turned a page.

Goku pouted. “I mean, if you don’t like it, why would you know how to make it?”

Sanzo didn’t avert his eyes from the newspaper at all when he answered in a bored tone. “It happens that to make hot milk you only need to heat a glass or so of milk.”

Goku glared at Sanzo, which was ignored by the latter. He finally gave up and leaned on the sofa, looking back to the milk again. He took in the sweet scent of milk, letting it filled his lungs.


Goku heard a faint ‘hmph’ and rustling of paper as he drank the milk again, savoring every scent and taste of sweetness around him. After several gulp, the mug was empty, leaving white traces of milk inside. Goku put it back carefully on the table and leaned back to the sofa. He stared in nothing in particular before drowsiness caught him to slumber.


He was just about to eat the huge meat bun in front of him when something pulled him abruptly from it.

Goku blinked wearily. He heard a soft thud beside him and turned to see Sanzo leaning against the sofa arm toward him. He heard jumbled words that fairly sounded like ‘wake’, ‘late’, and ‘shit’, concluding that he was still in dreamy state. He sat up, blinked, rubbed his eyes, and muttered an unintelligible ‘huh’ which was rewarded with a whack on his head.

“Ow, what’s that for?”

“For being stupid. Now get up.”

Goku obeyed Sanzo while listening to the man muttering about his already dried clothes on the table and that he should change. Goku gazed sleepily at his clothes before it was pushed to him right on his face. He grumbled loudly at the action, but Sanzo ignored this and ushered him to the bathroom while saying something about perverted monkey. At that, Goku’s eyes snapped open and glared at Sanzo before he got in to the bathroom. In less than a minute, Goku came out and was abruptly pushed through the exit door.

“—the fuck is wrong with you!?”

Sanzo merely grunted and continued his task of getting the door locked. He did answer when he turned toward the stairs.
“I’m late. And like hell I’m going to let you stay in my apartment while I’m gone.”

Goku gave Sanzo a dirty look, though he sighed in defeat and followed him silently. They reached the first floor in no time, for Sanzo was a very fast walker that Goku almost couldn’t catch up. He almost bumped on Sanzo when that man abruptly stopped in front of him. Goku watched with a blank expression as Sanzo took out his wallet and seemed to fumble with it, taking some money from inside. He turned at Goku and gave it to him, which changed the look on Goku’s face to one of an utter shock.

And embarrassment, somehow.

Goku blushed deeply, mentally shaking his head from his wild imagination. Sanzo, on the other hand, stared at Goku and looked like he was restraining himself from touching the boy’s forehead, which went unnoticed by Goku. Sanzo finally huffed.
“You’re going to need this to go home.”

Goku looked up, any embarrassing thought he had before had completely gone.
“Um, I kinda in the same college as you are and today I have le-“

“Go home.” Sanzo cutted off. Goku was about to retort when Sanzo spoke again.
“Finish whatever problems you have first, idiot.”

Goku should be angry when Sanzo said that. He really should be, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead, he felt like a pathetic little boy trying to run away from his problem. A sweep of sadness came to him like waves, hitting him hard but somehow smooth. He didn’t need Sanzo to tell him, but somehow he felt glad for it was Sanzo who told him. He looked down, as if expecting the dirt near his bare feet will solve his problem.

Sanzo didn’t seem to appreciate how Goku was staring at the dirt and ignoring him at the same time. Clearly growing impatient by the slow reaction, he jerked Goku’s right hand up and place the money there.
“This is not a gift, monkey. You better remember and pay your debt.”

Goku perked up at the word ‘monkey’ and pouted. He eyed the money in his hand before realizing that Sanzo had walked to his car, opening it while muttering something about telling Nataku regarding Goku’s absence, and went off.

Goku stared at the image of Sanzo’s car disappearing down the road, feeling swarm of emotions inside his chest. He couldn’t help a frown forming his way when he realized that Sanzo just left him there, bare feet. Sighing in defeat, he pocketed the money he just got and make his way home.


After boarding the train for about ten minutes, Goku arrived at his neighborhood. He walked slowly toward his home, still feeling anxious and uneasy. He glanced around, finding nearly every house were empty. Goku noted that it was not a holiday, so no wonder. He then eyed his bare feet while walking, making a mental note that he should wash it thoroughly when he arrived home.

Thinking about home made him remember his father again. What was he supposed to say? Was his father even home? More importantly, would his father forgive him? Goku was thinking so hard that he didn’t realize there was someone in front of him.


Luckily, he didn’t fell after the hard bump. He was about to say sorry whe he heard the man’s voice. He looked up to see his father standing, looing straight to him and looked…worried.

Goku found he was at loss of words.

His father eyed him again from head to toe, before speaking again.
“Where have you been?”

Goku was about to answer when his father suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the house muttering something like ‘you must be tired’ and ‘let’s talk home’. Goku almost couldn’t believe his ears. He looked at his father, confused, but decided to follow him. They arrived in their house not long after. Goku’s father ushered him to the nearby sofa—or rather the only sofa—and sat beside him, looking serious.

The awkward atmosphere made Goku nervous, and he thought he could explode. He looked down to his bare feet again, feeling stupid at doing so. He flinched when his father moved slightly and opened his mouth.
“I’m sorry.”

Goku, upon hearing the words, blinked stupidly. He certainly didn’t expect his father to be the one who said those words first.
“I’m sorry too.”, he managed to voice out with a small voice. Goku glanced to see his father bowing down, seeming to feel guilty.

After some confession from his father, Goku felt at ease. He also confessed how frustrated he was at his father’s behavior. Everything seemed to flow easily, even though he still couldn’t really forgive his father.

“I’m going to sell this house.”

Goku blinked. “You’re going to what?”

His father looked at him with a stern look. “Sell the house. I’m going to other city to look for a job. One of my friends kindly let me to stay at his place while I got settled.”

Goku couldn’t help himself from asking. “What about me?”

“You already got scholarship, so you should stay here. The money from the house selling should be enough for you to rent an apartment.”

Goku felt relieved and funny at the same time. All of these years problem ended in one day. His father said that he should start looking for a new apartment soon, while maybe staying in someone’s place. Sanzo’s place come to his mind. A faint blush crept his face as the image of Sanzo appeared in his mind. Wait, why did he have to blush? He shook mentally and decided that he would ask Gojyo to spare a space at his flat.

A few days later, he could say goodbye to his father with a smile on his face.


Almost a month have passed after he moved to his own apartment. It’s not that hard to adapt, since he had been minding himself when he was still in his father’s house. He was used to do things himself, even cooking. Hakkai had been complaining about his lack of healthy food and came over twice only to cook him food. Gojyo also came, though what he did was only slouching on the sofa and drinking beer. Goku didn’t really mind, he enjoyed company.

He lazily stirred the half done cream soup in front of him, staring at the brownish white liquid. The color made him remember of the white traces on the blue mug…


After he left Sanzo’s house, he hadn’t see Sanzo properly. He did saw him walking or so, but never close enough to actually call him. Goku tried to mind his own business, but he couldn’t pry his mind of Sanzo. Also after that event, he had been trying to make hot milk. It’s not that he wasn’t successful at making a simple a hot milk, but he couldn’t make it tasted the same as last time. The sweetness was not the same, even the comforting smell was not the same. He even went to some café to try the milks there, still not the same.

He knew he was driving himself crazy over a stupid hot milk, but he just couldn’t help it. The memory had been printed down deeply in his mind, almost haunting him. He wanted to taste it again. He wanted to see Sanzo again.

Goku shook his head as he turned the stove off. He dug the contents of the pot to a bowl, taking it to the table near him. He sighed deeply as he sat and started to eat his dinner. The brunette reminded himself that he should just get it over with, that he would see Sanzo sooner or later on campus. No need to go to his flat. No need at all.

With that resolve, he continued eating his dinner silently.


The day after, he found himself standing in front of Sanzo’s flat. The rain was falling again, just like last time, except he wasn’t wet.

Goku mentally slapped his head.

After campus, he had been walking aimlessly, not really wanting to go back to his apartment. His feet had somehow led him there without even him realizing it.

So much for resolve.

Goku shifted nervously in front of Sanzo’s flat, still contemplating whether to rang the bell or not. He glanced to the pouring rain, noting the absence of thunder. Goku turned again, inhaling deeply as he finally pushed the button. He had a reason to meet Sanzo, after all.

Few seconds felt like hours as he waited for Sanzo to open the door. He fidgeted nervously, not even sure why he was. He almost jumped when the door opened, revealing Sanzo clad in simple white shirt and jeans. Goku found he was lost at words as he stared at Sanzo. The other man also stared back, looking slightly surprised to see Goku there.


Goku flinched slightly when he heard Sanzo’s voice. He tried to regain his composure, smiling brightly as he spoke.

“Can’t you guess?”

“Why should I?”

“Well, I guess I don’t have any debts then.”

Sanzo stared at Goku , as if trying to comprehend what the smaller boy was saying. After a few seconds, he finally replied.

“You could just gave it to me at campus.”

“I haven’t see you ever since I moved out. Not even in campus.” Well, he lied, but it’s not like Sanzo knew. “Besides, people will think negatively.”

Sanzo arched an eyebrow, vaguely looking amused.
“Do whatever you have to do here and fuck off.”, Sanzo said as he moved to let Goku in.

Goku grinned as he entered Sanzo’s flat, practically storming to the sofa and plopped down with a contented sigh.

“Who says you can relax here? Get off.” Sanzo stood in front of Goku, crossing his arms as he glared. Goku sat upright, pouting while he looked at Sanzo.

“It’s been a long way here you know. I’m tired.”

“You shouldn’t be here in the first place. You lived in an apartment near here anyway.”

Goku just couldn’t believe Sanzo. The last day he was asking Goku whether he want to go to his flat or not. And this time he was ushering him out! What a jer- Wait. How did he know he lived near there?

Goku was about to ask when Sanzo walked away to the kitchen, muttering something about monkey, brain, and lack thereof. Goku would have retort if the sudden idea hadn’t hit him. It was one of his main reason to come there, after all.

“Hey, Sanzo?”

Sanzo stopped and turned, eyeing Goku lazily. “What?”

“Can you make me a hot milk?”

Sanzo fell silent for a few second, which counts as forever for Goku. He noticed the faint glittering on Sanzo’s eyes, but couldn’t really grasp it.

“What makes you think I want to?”

Goku stared at Sanzo unwaveringly, though he could feel blush crept to his face.
“Because I want it. Please?”

“Make it yourself then.”


Sanzo stared back at Goku with such intensity that Goku thought he could collapse. He realized he must have taken it to seriously that he nearly shouted like that. He took a deep breath as he tried to control himself.

“It’s just that…it’s different when you made it.”

Goku could feel Sanzo’s stare from afar as he looked down, blush now completely overtaking his face. He didn’t really know why he felt embarrassed. It’s just milk. It’s just Sanzo. It’s just..

It’s Sanzo.

Goku realized it almost immediately as his blush turned to a deeper shade of red. He didn’t dare to look up, to look at Sanzo. He heard the faint sound of rain splattering the window, as if trying to become one with the window. He was so focused on the sound that he almost didn’t hear a faint ‘tch, fine’ coming out from Sanzo’s mouth.

Goku looked up just in time when Sanzo disappeared to the kitchen. He bit his lower lip nervously as he fidgeted on the sofa. After a few minutes, Sanzo emerged from the kitchen, holding the same blue mug like last time. He walked slowly towards Goku, handing him the mug wordlessly. A sense of déjà vu hit him as he accepted the mug and looked at the content. He inhaled deeply, sensing the radiating warmth and sweetness from the mug. He smiled to Sanzo before drinking the milk.

He paused for a brief second after one gulp. It’s the same.

“I knew it.” Goku spoke just above whisper.

“Knew what?” Sanzo sat down beside Goku, taking a newspaper, just like last time.

Goku smiled. “When you made it, it’s sweeter.”

Sanzo looked at Goku from the corner of his eye. He snorted.

“Idiot. I didn’t add anything there.”

Goku pondered on Sanzo’s statement as he eyed the milk. A stupid conclusion popped out in his head, but that’s the only explanation. He blushed slightly as he voiced it out.

“Maybe it’s right,” Goku paused briefly, “when people said that food and drinks taste better when someone important made it for you.”

Sanzo did turn his head when Goku said that, his eyes widened a bit. Goku stared back at Sanzo, his heart thumping loudly that it was almost deafening. Sanzo then looked away as he muttered a soft ’idiot’, along with a tint of pink on Sanzo’s cheek.

Goku smiled as he turned his attention back to the hot milk. He drank it slowly, printing the sensation and memory deep inside him. After a while, Goku had finished his milk, feeling nostalgic as he saw the white traces.


“What now?”

“Can I come over again?”

Sanzo tore his eyes from the newspaper he was reading, switching to bore Goku with his eyes. “Hell no. What do you want anyway?”

He noticed that Sanzo seemed to have forgotten about his debt, so he decided not to bring it up. Goku smiled brightly as he put down the mug he was holding and looked straight to Sanzo’s eyes.

“Hot milk.” He said simply.


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December 2013

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